Make Plagiarism Human Again
Reclaiming art from artificial intelligence
As a creative writer, I get so angry when people accuse AI of “stealing” art.
Why are we giving AI credit for something only humans can do?
It’s so fucking unfair to real artists (like me) to call what AI does with copyrighted intellectual property acquired without consent as “theft”.
AI isn’t stealing.
It averages. It aggregates. It autocompletes.
That’s not stealing.
That’s not art.
All art is theft, and we need to reclaim the human dignity of plagiarism.
Only humans can exploit and take advantage of other peoples’ creativity and originality. Only humans can plagiarise with skill, taste and effort.
Only humans can steal art.
It makes me so indignant, so resentful, when people cheapen my plagiarism by comparing it to the inhuman processing that AI does. It’s like calling a microwave a chef because it cooks food.
No, it’s not. It just heats things up.
I am the one who cooks.
I am the one who chooses to steal art from other artists, who in turn stole it from other artists (so on and so forth).
I don’t delude myself about “creative originality” like other naive, craven so-called “artists”. Like I’ve always said, “good artists copy, great artists steal”. I don’t care if some guy called Picasso steals that quote from me.
I take that as a compliment.
Being original is derivative. Thinking otherwise is like believing meritocracy is fair — a comforting lie your ego uses to protect your feelings from reality.
Real human art is plagiarism.
The Human Art of Theft
AI can’t steal art because it has no taste.
It doesn’t understand the nuance of the grift that defines all creative endeavours. It’s unable to curate what it steals. It scrapes a billion images and gives you the statistical average.
That’s not art, that’s just averaging with extra steps.
What people mistakenly call “plagiarism” by AI is just statistics.
Me?
I know the specific words and phrases I’m going to steal from my favourite authors and essayists. I recognize which rhetorical devices land, and which ones don’t. I understand what makes great writing work.
I have taste.
I curate my theft.
I. Choose. What. To. Steal.
So what if I have to stare at a blank page for hours until I hyperventilate and have a panic attack trying to be original and funny? That I pilfer ideas for my essays to escape the oppressive, suffocating sense of self-worthlessness and despair?
Only I can steal art.
We must not let AI steal our ability to steal, because plagiarism is what makes someone a real artist.
When I infringe on someone’s copyright and use their protected work for personal financial gain without their permission, I become an artist. It’s the plausible deniability of “being inspired” and “paying homage” that transforms theft to art.
We must stop giving AI the credit for stealing art.
Plagiarism belongs to me and all the other actual human artists trying to create real art that is uniquely derivative, beautifully unoriginal and creatively banal.
The Necessity of Guilt
Like every other real artist out there, I suffer for my art.
Is it really stealing if you don’t feel guilty?
Look, I really do feel bad about plagiarising.
But I steal anyway.
That is what makes me an artist.
AI feels nothing. It’s just a soulless clanker.
When I rip off other people’s ideas, I feel the crushing weight of knowing I’m a fraud. I get high on the heady emotional elixir of guilt, self-loathing and arrogance, knowing I stole from someone and made it better.
Better taste creates better art.
AI cannot feel guilt about plagiarism, only I can. Only I can sink into a deep depression for knowing what I do is morally wrong.
AI cannot.
And because it cannot suffer for its sins, its sins are worthless.
I hate that AI is stealing the ability for me to take advantage of other people. I don’t need a machine to be ethically compromised. I can do that all by myself.
At the end of the day, I’m just a human being. A human being better.
Better at curating.
Better at self-denial.
Better at stealing.
If we don’t reclaim the quiet, noble, human dignity of stealing other peoples’ ideas, we lose what makes art, art.
Make Plagiarism Human Again
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I cannot stress how much I love your essays
“It makes me so indignant, so resentful, when people cheapen my plagiarism by comparing it to the inhuman processing that AI does. It’s like calling a microwave a chef because it cooks food.
No, it’s not. It just heats things up.
I am the one who cooks.”
I spit my tea all over my desk reading “I am the one who cooks”.