Managing Reality at the Ministry of Magic
Believe what we say, not what you see
Confidential - Internal Use Only
To: Hermione Granger, Minister for Magic
From: Solas Khyron, Chief Undersecretary, Department of Magical Law Enforcement
The ongoing trade war with the Magical Congress of the USA has made cost-cutting in the Ministry of Magic a top priority.
At ʛ85 billion gold galleons, the Ministry’s largest expense is enforcing the Statute of Secrecy: ensuring muggles (non-magical humans) forget any magic they see by obliviating them (erasing their memories).
We need a more fiscally responsible way to manage the truth about magic.
Recommendation: set up the Department of Alternative Facts to operate a government-run belief management system.
It’s more cost-effective to erase the public’s relationship with reality than erasing individual memories.
Obliviation No Longer Scales
The current approach to managing reality has two fatal flaws:
Scaling issues - with the ever-growing muggle population, the 1:1 model (an Obliviator must be on-site with the muggle to erase their memories) is simply unrealistic. Our Law Enforcement Obliviators (LEOs) are already struggling with case loads even with apparating restrictions lifted
Digital permanence - in the age of smartphones, social media and video recordings, information lives forever on the Internet (which is the muggles’ unkillable horcrux of knowledge)
Not only is it mathematically impossible to obliviate all muggles who have seen magic, it’s also physically impossible to destroy all evidence of it.
We cannot obliviate the Internet.
We tried.
So, where does that leave us?
It means the problem isn’t that muggles see magic.
It’s that they believe what they see.
Managing Belief, Proactively
Since we can no longer delete the truth, we must simply manage the public’s perception of it.
Why erase memories after muggles see something when we can make them disbelieve what they see before it becomes a problem?
Prevention is better than cure.
The Ministry of Magic should set up the Department of Alternative Facts to operate a government-run belief management system.
We no longer need to cast obliviate.
We just need to cast doubt.
Specifically, a deep and powerful form of magic that uses the human brain against itself: behavioural engineering.
By shifting the locus of control from individual (Obliviator) to platform (propaganda), the Ministry uses, rather than fights, muggle technology. We get leverage from their two most powerful forms of magic:
Social media: 70% of the muggles around the world use social media daily, for an average of 2 hours. We no longer have to find muggles. They will come to us
Generative AI: able to create text, images and videos indistinguishable from reality, cheaply and at scale. This is the best thing to happen to wizarding society since the invention of the wand. We can flood the zone with real, but fake magic
Combining these spells means we no longer need individual Obliviators to be boots on the ground (one-to-one). We just need to post on social media (one-to-many).
We are not denying the truth.
We are just sharing our interpretation of it.
Even now, they cannot agree on non-magical (scientific) facts. They distrust everything they see, assuming it is AI. They self-police in online echo chambers, reinforcing in-group beliefs by questioning the opinions of their “fellow” members.
The most efficient obliviation is the one muggles perform on themselves
The mandate for the Department of Alternative Facts will not be about protecting magic from muggles.
It will be about protecting muggles from the truth.
Stakeholder Considerations
Critics may argue that what we’re proposing is unethical.
We disagree.
What is more unethical than obliviating muggles without their consent? More immoral than deciding which memories they keep? Even as superior magical beings, we have no right to violate muggle cognitive sovereignty.
Propaganda respects muggle freedoms
We expand their choices.
We don’t tell them what to believe.
We let them choose.
If it just so happens to be a less traumatic reality that reinforces their biases, who are we to deny them?
Obliviate is a memory charm of the past.
Gaslighting is the spell of the future.
It’s just more humane.
Looking Ahead: A Safer World for All
A confused muggle is a safe muggle.
We are not lying to muggles.
We are just protecting them from the burden of reality.
If non-magical society ever found out about the wizarding world, a civil war of the most heinous and violent nature would erupt.
This must never be allowed to happen.
The beauty of the belief management system is that it compounds over time. Each successful narrative makes the next one easier.
Muggles learn that truth is simply whatever fits their reality
Eventually, muggles will not believe in magic even if it happens right in front of them. Those who see magic are confused. Those hurt by magic were not attacked, they were behaving erratically. Avada Kedavra was not used.
We will be able to perform magic openly and muggles will rationalize it for us.
To protect our way of life as grand wizards and witches, we need to build a world where truth is irrelevant for muggles.
The brilliant witch Llewro theorised a spell that could make humans reject the evidence of their senses. Of a charm so powerful that it would be accepted out of free will and could affect millions of minds.
The Department of Alternative Facts is that spell.
Reality will continue to exist.
It simply won’t matter.
Respectfully submitted,
Solas Khyron
Chief Undersecretary, Department of Magical Law Enforcement
Brilliant satire on how institutions shift from erasing evidence to managing belief. The AI flooding the zone comparison is spot-on—when everything looks fake, nothing can be verified. I saw this play out in realtime durign the last election cycle with deepfake accusations making people doubt even authentic footage. The scary part is how self-sustaining it becomes once people internalize that reality is negotiable.